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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Laughter
Friendship
Friend
Fun
Funny
Doesn
Diet
Diets
Fats

More quotes by Erma Bombeck

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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
Erma Bombeck
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There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
Erma Bombeck
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If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?
Erma Bombeck
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
Erma Bombeck
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
Erma Bombeck
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
Erma Bombeck
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Erma Bombeck
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Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.
Erma Bombeck
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I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
Erma Bombeck
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When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.
Erma Bombeck
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She's as funny as a toothache
Erma Bombeck
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Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.
Erma Bombeck
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Erma Bombeck
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I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
Erma Bombeck
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My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!
Erma Bombeck
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I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
Erma Bombeck
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To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.
Erma Bombeck