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A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Diets
Fats
Laughter
Friendship
Friend
Fun
Funny
Doesn
Diet

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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
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Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
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I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
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The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms. . . and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
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There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.
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The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.
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My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
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Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.
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Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.
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I used everything you gave me.
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When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.
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