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Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity? Artemis blinked. Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Time
Doctors
Think
Jokes
Blinked
Thinking
Theory
Fowl
Heard
Artemis
Littles
Relativity
Ever
Traveled
Little
Joke
Something
Doctor

More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
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There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.
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how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant. Oh, I don't know mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.
Eoin Colfer
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(text message) CMDR ROOT. TRBLE BELOW. HAVN OVRRN BY GOBLINS. PLCE PLAZA SRROUNDED. CUDGEON + OPL KBOI BHND PLOT. NO WPONS OR CMMUNICATIONS. DNA CNONS CNTRLLED BY KBOI. I M TRPPED IN OP BTH. CNCL THNKS IM 2 BLM. IF ALIVE PLSE HLP. IF NOT, WRNG NMBR.
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Commander: What's that? Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?
Eoin Colfer
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We lost the crickets.
Eoin Colfer
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She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees. -Artemis Fowl
Eoin Colfer
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Yes, Chix, it's between us. Everyone has a right to be temporarily unstable. - Foaly
Eoin Colfer
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Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet.
Eoin Colfer
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Anything else, Butler? The cosh, sir.
Eoin Colfer
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...This is the only way. I will not allow humans or fairies to die when I might have prevented it.” Butler would not give up. “Listen to yourself. You sound like a... like a good guy! There’s nothing in this for you.
Eoin Colfer
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It was calling me, that button, he offered as his excuse. I couldn't resist. -MULCH DIGGUMS ON A HIGHLY PRESS-ABLE BUTTON-
Eoin Colfer
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I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.
Eoin Colfer
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This was a nightmare scenario for any bodyguard: stuck in the middle of a transparent tube, several miles underwater, with a murdering band of fugitives at one end and an enthralled but still highly skilled police officer at the other.
Eoin Colfer
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Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?
Eoin Colfer
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That was all he said, except for Aaaeerrgghhh. Which is not really a word. But the reason that he screamed Aaaeerrgghhh was that Franco had bitten him savegly on the wrist.
Eoin Colfer
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Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.
Eoin Colfer
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A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.
Eoin Colfer
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I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.
Eoin Colfer
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You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.
Eoin Colfer