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Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Dude
Hilarious
Show
Shows
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More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?
Eoin Colfer
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If you're going to read five books, three should be issues and two for fun.
Eoin Colfer
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Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals. Holly said. Not me! said Orion cheerily, I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.
Eoin Colfer
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A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladder.
Eoin Colfer
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Mulch's tongue lolled out, resting on the centaur's neck. Mmm, he mumbled around his tongue. Horse. Tasty Let's go, said Foaly nervously. Let's go right now.
Eoin Colfer
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Of course. Opal is toying with our emotions for her own gratification. Nothing more. She wishes to place herself in a position of power, emotionally.
Eoin Colfer
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It'll be messy, but after a day you'll be zipping around as though you were a thousand years old again.
Eoin Colfer
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Sometimes plans don't translate smoothly from paper to real life.
Eoin Colfer
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Of course I saved you, she said. I couldn't do without you. And because she was happy and flushed with magic Holly leaned down and kissed Artemis, magic sparking around the contact like tiny fireworks.
Eoin Colfer
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Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa, intoned Opal, finishing her chant. Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.
Eoin Colfer
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Sounded like girls. Mixed feelings on that score. He didn't despise them with the same passion he used to. In fact, Benny suspected that there would come a time in the not-too-distant future when he might develop a mysterious interest in them.
Eoin Colfer
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Her glare was so intense that you completely forgot she was wearing pink.
Eoin Colfer
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If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.
Eoin Colfer
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Just what we need, moaned Holly. Artemis Fowl with magical powers.
Eoin Colfer
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I am not exuding anything, said Holly through gritted teeth. Orion tapped her shoulder. I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins.
Eoin Colfer
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You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.
Eoin Colfer
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You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue
Eoin Colfer
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I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?
Eoin Colfer
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Holly, do you trust me?” Holly groaned. “Artemis, don’t ask me that. I just know one of your outrageous plans is coming.” “Do you trust me?” “Yes,” Holly sighed. “I do. More than anyone.
Eoin Colfer
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The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.
Eoin Colfer