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Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Dude
Hilarious
Show
Shows
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More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Trust me. I'm a genius.
Eoin Colfer
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Very well. I understand. Just ... shut up!
Eoin Colfer
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I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland. A line came to him: It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.
Eoin Colfer
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Holly walked rapidly into the cockpit, strapping herself into the pilot's chair. Seven and a half hours to save the world. Isn’t there some law that says we get at least twenty-four? Artemis strapped himself into the co-pilot's chair. I don't think Opal bothers with laws.
Eoin Colfer
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I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!
Eoin Colfer
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Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?
Eoin Colfer
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Look! said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, Someone who cares!
Eoin Colfer
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Butler,” he called, his voice thin and childlike in the wind. “Yes, Artemis, what?” “If something goes wrong, wait for me. No matter how it looks, I will return. I will bring them all back.
Eoin Colfer
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There’s always time for babbling.
Eoin Colfer
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This was a nightmare scenario for any bodyguard: stuck in the middle of a transparent tube, several miles underwater, with a murdering band of fugitives at one end and an enthralled but still highly skilled police officer at the other.
Eoin Colfer
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I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today. He leaned in close and whispered, I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.
Eoin Colfer
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You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.
Eoin Colfer
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I am not exuding anything, said Holly through gritted teeth. Orion tapped her shoulder. I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins.
Eoin Colfer
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Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?
Eoin Colfer
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Don't hate me forever, Arty, whispered Holly. I couldn't bear that.
Eoin Colfer
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Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals. Holly said. Not me! said Orion cheerily, I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.
Eoin Colfer
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If things go badly for me tonight, I want you to stay with Mr. Wynter he will pay you a decent wage.” “Will he make me bathe?” “No, he will debate the matter with you until you decide to wash.” “Ah. One of those.
Eoin Colfer
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Holly, do you trust me?” Holly groaned. “Artemis, don’t ask me that. I just know one of your outrageous plans is coming.” “Do you trust me?” “Yes,” Holly sighed. “I do. More than anyone.
Eoin Colfer
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Vinyaya was being openly antagonistic, and that was an emotion that could be trusted, unless of course it was a bluff and the commander was a secret fan of his, unless it was a double bluff and she really did feel antagonistic.
Eoin Colfer
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If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.
Eoin Colfer