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I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Time
Dealing
People
Idiot
Wear
Name
Names
Help
Tag
Helping
Idiots
Find
Saves

More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Artemis: How long will it take you to prepare the time spell? N1 chewed his knuckle: About as long as it takes you to take your clothes off. Aaarrk, Artemis half choked.
Eoin Colfer
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There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.
Eoin Colfer
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I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?
Eoin Colfer
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Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet.
Eoin Colfer
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Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly.
Eoin Colfer
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Artemis turned and stared at his friend with the blue eyes. Holly was staring back, and she was smiling. “I remember,” she said aloud. “You saved me.” Artemis smiled back. “It never happened,” he said.
Eoin Colfer
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(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)
Eoin Colfer
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(text message) CMDR ROOT. TRBLE BELOW. HAVN OVRRN BY GOBLINS. PLCE PLAZA SRROUNDED. CUDGEON + OPL KBOI BHND PLOT. NO WPONS OR CMMUNICATIONS. DNA CNONS CNTRLLED BY KBOI. I M TRPPED IN OP BTH. CNCL THNKS IM 2 BLM. IF ALIVE PLSE HLP. IF NOT, WRNG NMBR.
Eoin Colfer
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People like me, LB, the truly great ones ... we are always alone.
Eoin Colfer
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Commander: What's that? Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?
Eoin Colfer
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I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!
Eoin Colfer
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(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!
Eoin Colfer
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Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.
Eoin Colfer
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(about Dr. Po) Just another quack spouting psychobabble.
Eoin Colfer
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Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes. That's professor Moriarty, corrected Foaly. Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.
Eoin Colfer
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The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.
Eoin Colfer
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You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue
Eoin Colfer
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Very well. I understand. Just ... shut up!
Eoin Colfer
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Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity? Artemis blinked. Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.
Eoin Colfer
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Me, Artemis blurted. I'm the nut. Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell. I'm the nut! Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.
Eoin Colfer