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I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
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Helping
Idiots
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More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.
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Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.
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No alcohol, Riley. She nodded at the screen. How are you liking the twenty-first century? Riley burped. The Take That are most melodic. And God bless Harry Potter is all I can say. If not for him, all of London would have been consumed by the dark arts.
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'Insanity... I like it.
Eoin Colfer
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A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladder.
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Remember this? You gave it to me for ensuring your trigger finger got reattached to your hand. You said it would remind me of that spark of decency inside me. I'm trying to do something decent now, Captain.
Eoin Colfer
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Im riding a troll! i was born to do this,and steal stuff, and EAT LOADS!
Eoin Colfer
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I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.
Eoin Colfer
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Artemis: How long will it take you to prepare the time spell? N1 chewed his knuckle: About as long as it takes you to take your clothes off. Aaarrk, Artemis half choked.
Eoin Colfer
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Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.
Eoin Colfer
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(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!
Eoin Colfer
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Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?
Eoin Colfer
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A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.
Eoin Colfer
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Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.
Eoin Colfer
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A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Eoin Colfer
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My truffles? You took them? That's just mean!
Eoin Colfer
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Very well. I understand. Just ... shut up!
Eoin Colfer
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Butler,” he called, his voice thin and childlike in the wind. “Yes, Artemis, what?” “If something goes wrong, wait for me. No matter how it looks, I will return. I will bring them all back.
Eoin Colfer
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I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland. A line came to him: It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.
Eoin Colfer
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Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.
Eoin Colfer