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I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
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More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant. Oh, I don't know mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.
Eoin Colfer
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...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile. ...Where's all the loot? That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart. Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. You were here to rob me! No, I wasn't. How dare you?!
Eoin Colfer
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Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.
Eoin Colfer
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Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you... ... What is it? [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. Yeah, agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. Why am I an imbecile?
Eoin Colfer
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It was calling me, that button, he offered as his excuse. I couldn't resist. -MULCH DIGGUMS ON A HIGHLY PRESS-ABLE BUTTON-
Eoin Colfer
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Is that how you're going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube? It's always cubes with you, noted Foaly, somewhat randomly. What's wrong with a nice sphere?
Eoin Colfer
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Trust me. I'm a genius.
Eoin Colfer
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Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers
Eoin Colfer
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When you've come face-to-face with the dark side of the school yard, life doesn't hold many surprises.
Eoin Colfer
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I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.
Eoin Colfer
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Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?
Eoin Colfer
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That’s what I thought. When I looked that human in the face. I figured he was either a genius or crazy.” Artemis’s cool eyes glared at them from the screen. “So which is it?” asked Foaly. “A genius or crazy?” Root grabbed his tri-barreled blaster from the gun rack. “What’s the difference?
Eoin Colfer
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A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Eoin Colfer
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Oh,It's going to be so easy to kill you,scoffed Opal.
Eoin Colfer
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I waved my hand in front of my face, obi-wan style. I am not here. Niall's mucas glands kicked into overdrive. Eoin's dead! And his ghost is standing right there on the grass! Donal let out a long suffering sigh. Eoin is being a writer. Niall calmed down, becuase everyone knows writers are weird and are always doing stupid thingss.
Eoin Colfer
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People like me, LB, the truly great ones ... we are always alone.
Eoin Colfer
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I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.
Eoin Colfer
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Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers. Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?
Eoin Colfer
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If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.
Eoin Colfer
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It would take less than a second for you to die. But that's quite long enough to be in mortal agony, don't you think?
Eoin Colfer