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I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Dangerous
Friends
Opal
Mother
Charging
Self
Mention
Younger
Keeping
Protection
Internet

More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile. ...Where's all the loot? That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart. Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. You were here to rob me! No, I wasn't. How dare you?!
Eoin Colfer
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Meg and Belch only had eyes for each other. Not in the usual romantic sense.
Eoin Colfer
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Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl
Eoin Colfer
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We lost the crickets, she said. Even you can't make that sound tough. ...I am Butler, he said with a straight-face. Everything I say sounds tough. Now, get out of the lake, fairy.
Eoin Colfer
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Trust me. I'm a genius.
Eoin Colfer
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Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity? Artemis blinked. Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.
Eoin Colfer
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Together we will be unstoppable.
Eoin Colfer
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Victor Vigny: It is like the old fairy tale. The boy saves the princess they fall in love. He invents a flying machine - along with his dashing teacher, of course. They get married and name thier firstborn after the aforementioned dashing teacher. Conor: I don't recall that fairy tale from the nursery. Victor Vigny: Trust me, It's a classic.
Eoin Colfer
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I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.
Eoin Colfer
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HOLLY: Are you suggesting I occasionally stray from the rule book? FOALY: No. I'm suggesting you do not own a copy of the rule book, and if you do, you have certainly never opened it.
Eoin Colfer
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I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.
Eoin Colfer
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Don’t feel bad I regularly reduce people to unintelligible stammers.
Eoin Colfer
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The only other scenario that could explain everything, up to and including your own bizarre apperance, is a convoluted conspiracy theory involving the Russian Mafia and a crack team of plastic surgeons.
Eoin Colfer
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If you're going to read five books, three should be issues and two for fun.
Eoin Colfer
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I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today. He leaned in close and whispered, I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.
Eoin Colfer
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My bugs don't have bugs.
Eoin Colfer
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A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.
Eoin Colfer
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When you've come face-to-face with the dark side of the school yard, life doesn't hold many surprises.
Eoin Colfer
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Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.
Eoin Colfer
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Artemis turned and stared at his friend with the blue eyes. Holly was staring back, and she was smiling. “I remember,” she said aloud. “You saved me.” Artemis smiled back. “It never happened,” he said.
Eoin Colfer