Quote

If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Smells
Wearing
Smell
Probably
Looks
Like
Dwarf
Dwarves
Dwarfs

More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Is that how you're going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube? It's always cubes with you, noted Foaly, somewhat randomly. What's wrong with a nice sphere?
Eoin Colfer
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I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today. He leaned in close and whispered, I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.
Eoin Colfer
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(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)
Eoin Colfer
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It'll be messy, but after a day you'll be zipping around as though you were a thousand years old again.
Eoin Colfer
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Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud.
Eoin Colfer
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Vinyaya was being openly antagonistic, and that was an emotion that could be trusted, unless of course it was a bluff and the commander was a secret fan of his, unless it was a double bluff and she really did feel antagonistic.
Eoin Colfer
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Her glare was so intense that you completely forgot she was wearing pink.
Eoin Colfer
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A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.
Eoin Colfer
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Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl
Eoin Colfer
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I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.
Eoin Colfer
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If you're going to read five books, three should be issues and two for fun.
Eoin Colfer
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Maybe I’ll keep you.” Abbot chuckled and prodded Artemis’s back with his sword. “It’d be nice to have a pet human around. I could teach you tricks.” “I have a trick for you,” said Artemis, and he fired a single blast from the gun.
Eoin Colfer
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The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.
Eoin Colfer
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Nobody's death is impending. ...Well technically everyone's death is impending.
Eoin Colfer
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Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you... ... What is it? [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. Yeah, agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. Why am I an imbecile?
Eoin Colfer
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...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.
Eoin Colfer
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Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity? Artemis blinked. Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.
Eoin Colfer
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The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet.
Eoin Colfer
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Hey, look your girlfriend is saying something. Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?
Eoin Colfer
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A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Eoin Colfer