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If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Smell
Probably
Looks
Like
Dwarf
Dwarves
Dwarfs
Smells
Wearing

More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?
Eoin Colfer
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Let's save some time here. I grow weary of your clumsy bluffs. In the case of an abduction, the LEP will send a crack Retrieval team to get back what has been lost.. You have done so. Excuse me while I titter. Crack team? Honestly. A Cub-Scout patrol armed with water pistols could have defeated them.
Eoin Colfer
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Maybe I’ll keep you.” Abbot chuckled and prodded Artemis’s back with his sword. “It’d be nice to have a pet human around. I could teach you tricks.” “I have a trick for you,” said Artemis, and he fired a single blast from the gun.
Eoin Colfer
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I have no time for babbling foolishness.” “Don’t be so hasty,” said Victor. “There’s always time for babbling.
Eoin Colfer
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We lost the crickets.
Eoin Colfer
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People like me, LB, the truly great ones ... we are always alone.
Eoin Colfer
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Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers
Eoin Colfer
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Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly.
Eoin Colfer
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The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.
Eoin Colfer
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When the moment comes, will you take your chance to be a hero?
Eoin Colfer
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Together we will be unstoppable.
Eoin Colfer
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Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud.
Eoin Colfer
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There is always a use for everything, Victor had told him. Even pain.
Eoin Colfer
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Vinyaya was being openly antagonistic, and that was an emotion that could be trusted, unless of course it was a bluff and the commander was a secret fan of his, unless it was a double bluff and she really did feel antagonistic.
Eoin Colfer
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Look! said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, Someone who cares!
Eoin Colfer
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That’s what I thought. When I looked that human in the face. I figured he was either a genius or crazy.” Artemis’s cool eyes glared at them from the screen. “So which is it?” asked Foaly. “A genius or crazy?” Root grabbed his tri-barreled blaster from the gun rack. “What’s the difference?
Eoin Colfer
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'Insanity... I like it.
Eoin Colfer
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I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.
Eoin Colfer
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Now before we get into anything, ladies, no scratching, no spitting and no tattling to mummy.
Eoin Colfer
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Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.
Eoin Colfer