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(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)

Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: May 14
Author
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Wexford
Terrible
Making
Difficult
Looks
Fowl
Artemis
Sandwich
Sandwiches
Attempt

More quotes by Eoin Colfer

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If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.
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Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you... ... What is it? [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. Yeah, agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. Why am I an imbecile?
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If things go badly for me tonight, I want you to stay with Mr. Wynter he will pay you a decent wage.” “Will he make me bathe?” “No, he will debate the matter with you until you decide to wash.” “Ah. One of those.
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Now before we get into anything, ladies, no scratching, no spitting and no tattling to mummy.
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I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.
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Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.
Eoin Colfer
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Remember this? You gave it to me for ensuring your trigger finger got reattached to your hand. You said it would remind me of that spark of decency inside me. I'm trying to do something decent now, Captain.
Eoin Colfer
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Artemis Fowl will never be secondary. I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second? said Holly.
Eoin Colfer
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Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa, intoned Opal, finishing her chant. Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs.
Eoin Colfer
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There’s always time for babbling.
Eoin Colfer
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There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.
Eoin Colfer
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(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!
Eoin Colfer
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Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity? Artemis blinked. Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.
Eoin Colfer
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Other men look up and down, left and right but men like us are different. We are visionaries.
Eoin Colfer
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You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue
Eoin Colfer
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In spite of what youngsters think, parents do not get a sneaky thrill out of punishing their children.
Eoin Colfer
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What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?
Eoin Colfer
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Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes. That's professor Moriarty, corrected Foaly. Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.
Eoin Colfer
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I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?
Eoin Colfer
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We lost the crickets, she said. Even you can't make that sound tough. ...I am Butler, he said with a straight-face. Everything I say sounds tough. Now, get out of the lake, fairy.
Eoin Colfer