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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Good
Time
Love
Emo
Name
Names
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More quotes by Emo Philips

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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
Emo Philips
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
Emo Philips
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
Emo Philips
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
Emo Philips
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
Emo Philips
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
Emo Philips
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
Emo Philips
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
Emo Philips