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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Good
Time
Love
Emo
Name
Names
Call

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
Emo Philips
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
Emo Philips
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
Emo Philips
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
Emo Philips
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
Emo Philips
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
Emo Philips
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
Emo Philips
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
Emo Philips