Quote

When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Men
Wetness
Slept
Rubber
Sheets
Kids
Take

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
Emo Philips
Image
I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
Emo Philips
Image
I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
Emo Philips
Image
I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
Emo Philips
Image
People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
Emo Philips
Image
My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
Emo Philips
Image
I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips
Image
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips
Image
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Philips
Image
My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
Emo Philips
Image
Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
Image
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
Image
I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
Emo Philips
Image
I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
Emo Philips
Image
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
Emo Philips
Image
The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
Emo Philips
Image
The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
Emo Philips
Image
I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
Emo Philips
Image
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
Image
I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
Emo Philips