Quote

I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Like
Fact
Hang
Cop
People
Times
Window
Arrested
Facts
Walk
Station
Three
Wouldn
Windows
Two
Walks
Shop
Around
Morning
Hanging
Fingerprint
Take
Call
Stations
Fingerprints
Really
Looking
Shops
Cops

More quotes by Emo Philips

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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Emo Philips
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Emo Philips
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
Emo Philips
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
Emo Philips
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I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.
Emo Philips
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips