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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Writer
Suffering
Never
Gardeners
Gardener
Gardening
Block
Myth

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
Emo Philips
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
Emo Philips
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
Emo Philips
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I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
Emo Philips