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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Never
Gardeners
Gardener
Gardening
Block
Myth
Writer
Suffering

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
Emo Philips