Quote

If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Worth
Monopoly
Rich
Regular
Guy
Super
Looking
Boxes
Like
Dress
Dresses
Shouldn
Benefits

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
Emo Philips