Quote

I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Thinking
Give
Phones
Problem
Totally
Without
Credit
Quirk
Must
Number
Quirks
Giving
Normal
Card
Every
Laughing
Stolen
Always
Respect
Phone
Think
Numbers
Cards

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
Emo Philips
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I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
Emo Philips