Quote

I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Giving
Normal
Card
Every
Laughing
Stolen
Always
Respect
Phone
Think
Numbers
Cards
Thinking
Give
Phones
Problem
Totally
Without
Credit
Quirk
Must
Number
Quirks

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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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