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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Ventured
Mammals
Recently
Sex
Family
Good
Life
Mammal

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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