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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Food
Religious
Seems
Reason
Trivial
Driving
Jokes
Seem

More quotes by Emo Philips

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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
Emo Philips