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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Reason
Trivial
Driving
Jokes
Seem
Food
Religious
Seems

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
Emo Philips
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips