Quote

My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Certain
Home
Strict
Like
Hour
Rules
Couldn
Parents
Parent
Hours

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
Image
I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
Image
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips
Image
I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
Emo Philips
Image
The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
Emo Philips
Image
I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
Emo Philips
Image
The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
Emo Philips
Image
My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
Emo Philips
Image
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips
Image
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Emo Philips
Image
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Philips
Image
My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
Emo Philips
Image
Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Emo Philips
Image
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
Image
I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
Emo Philips
Image
One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
Emo Philips
Image
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
Image
My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
Emo Philips
Image
I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
Emo Philips
Image
I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips