Quote

I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Hands
Streets
Spanking
Never
Took
Grab
Would
Grew
Worn
Strange
Eras
Liberty
Thanks
Days
Street
Hand
Son
Getting
Adults

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.
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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
Emo Philips
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Emo Philips
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
Emo Philips
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
Emo Philips
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
Emo Philips