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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Never
Sexes
Sleeping
Sex
Battle
Enemy
Sleep
Keep
Long

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
Emo Philips