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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Enemy
Sleep
Keep
Long
Never
Sexes
Sleeping
Sex
Battle

More quotes by Emo Philips

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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
Emo Philips
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
Emo Philips
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I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
Emo Philips
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
Emo Philips
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
Emo Philips
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Emo Philips
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
Emo Philips
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
Emo Philips
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
Emo Philips