Quote

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Always
Possible
Dark
Hours
Kids
Daylight
Thought
Fill
Best
Scared
Much
Horror
Way
Teach

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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Emo Philips
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
Emo Philips
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
Emo Philips