Quote

I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Kids
Daylight
Thought
Fill
Best
Scared
Much
Horror
Way
Teach
Always
Possible
Dark
Hours

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
Emo Philips
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
Emo Philips
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
Emo Philips
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips