Quote

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Like
Speed
Bullies
Tried
Burst
Kill
Shouting
Hair
Bully
Team
Extra
High
Extras
School
Swim
Body
Fairy
Shaved

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
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Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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