Quote

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
School
Swim
Body
Fairy
Shaved
Like
Speed
Bullies
Tried
Burst
Kill
Shouting
Hair
Bully
Team
Extra
High
Extras

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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