Quote

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Tried
Burst
Kill
Shouting
Hair
Bully
Team
Extra
High
Extras
School
Swim
Body
Fairy
Shaved
Like
Speed
Bullies

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.
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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
Emo Philips