Quote

But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Tried
Burst
Kill
Shouting
Hair
Bully
Team
Extra
High
Extras
School
Swim
Body
Fairy
Shaved
Like
Speed
Bullies

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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