Quote

I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Guy
Suit
Like
Stations
Regular
Suits
Fairy
Fill
Station
Dance
Harry
Went
Gas

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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