Quote

I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Fill
Station
Dance
Harry
Went
Gas
Guy
Suit
Like
Stations
Regular
Suits
Fairy

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
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