Quote

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Also
Lemons
Make
Wonderfully
Always
Metaphor
Plus
Dad
Works
Hands
Lemonade
Someone
Lemon

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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