Quote

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Make
Wonderfully
Always
Metaphor
Plus
Dad
Works
Hands
Lemonade
Someone
Lemon
Also
Lemons

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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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