Quote

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Make
Wonderfully
Always
Metaphor
Plus
Dad
Works
Hands
Lemonade
Someone
Lemon
Also
Lemons

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
Emo Philips
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
Emo Philips
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
Emo Philips
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
Emo Philips
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Philips
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
Emo Philips
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
Emo Philips