Quote

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Works
Hands
Lemonade
Someone
Lemon
Also
Lemons
Make
Wonderfully
Always
Metaphor
Plus
Dad

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
Emo Philips
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
Emo Philips
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I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
Emo Philips
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
Emo Philips
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
Emo Philips
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
Emo Philips
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
Emo Philips
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
Emo Philips
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Emo Philips
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
Emo Philips
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
Emo Philips
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
Emo Philips
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Emo Philips
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
Emo Philips