Quote

My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Always
Metaphor
Plus
Dad
Works
Hands
Lemonade
Someone
Lemon
Also
Lemons
Make
Wonderfully

More quotes by Emo Philips

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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
Emo Philips
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Emo Philips
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
Emo Philips