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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Dad
Works
Hands
Lemonade
Someone
Lemon
Also
Lemons
Make
Wonderfully
Always
Metaphor
Plus

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
Emo Philips
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
Emo Philips
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
Emo Philips
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
Emo Philips
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips