Quote

My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Fronts
Front
Baby
Company
Cereal
Whatever
Breast
Everyone
Feeding
Breasts
Sister

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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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