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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Breasts
Sister
Fronts
Front
Baby
Company
Cereal
Whatever
Breast
Everyone
Feeding

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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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