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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Baby
Company
Cereal
Whatever
Breast
Everyone
Feeding
Breasts
Sister
Fronts
Front

More quotes by Emo Philips

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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
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