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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Thinking
Temples
Center
Youth
Least
Presbyterian
Body
Presbyterians
Wells
Relatively
Well
Temple
Think
Managed

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips