Quote

I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Always
Saved
Life
Baby
Special
Times
Place
Women
Bins
Many
Digging
Heart
Garbage

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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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