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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Surfers
Crashing
Surfer
Florida
Beach
Rocks
Sound
Love

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
Emo Philips
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
Emo Philips
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Emo Philips
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
Emo Philips
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
Emo Philips
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
Emo Philips
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
Emo Philips
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
Emo Philips