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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Surfers
Crashing
Surfer
Florida
Beach
Rocks
Sound
Love

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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
Emo Philips
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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