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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Crashing
Surfer
Florida
Beach
Rocks
Sound
Love
Surfers

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
Emo Philips
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
Emo Philips
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Emo Philips
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
Emo Philips
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
Emo Philips
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips