Quote

I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Screws
Couple
Terrifying
Jobs
Amusement
Make
Park
Like
Parks
Seats
Onto
Rides
Throwing

More quotes by Emo Philips

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
Emo Philips