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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Imaginary
Close
Friend
Relationship
Growing
Another
Kids

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
Emo Philips
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips