Quote

I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Close
Friend
Relationship
Growing
Another
Kids
Imaginary

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips
Image
When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
Emo Philips
Image
My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
Emo Philips
Image
I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
Emo Philips
Image
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
Emo Philips
Image
I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
Emo Philips
Image
Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
Emo Philips
Image
I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
Emo Philips
Image
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
Image
I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
Emo Philips
Image
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
Image
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
Image
I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
Emo Philips
Image
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Emo Philips
Image
In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
Emo Philips
Image
I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips
Image
Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
Emo Philips
Image
My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
Emo Philips
Image
Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
Emo Philips
Image
I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
Emo Philips