Quote

Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Really
Jokes
Never
Stage
Thinking
Funny
World
Easy
Part
Ever
Hard
Trying
Comedian

More quotes by Emo Philips

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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
Emo Philips
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
Emo Philips
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
Emo Philips
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
Emo Philips
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
Emo Philips
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
Emo Philips
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Emo Philips
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
Emo Philips
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
Emo Philips
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
Emo Philips
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
Emo Philips
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
Emo Philips