Quote

There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Didn
Compliment
Best
Joke
Everything
Tricks
Think
Findings
Thinking
Finding
Jokes
Huxley
Evolution
Darwin
Theory
Trick

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
Emo Philips
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Emo Philips