Quote

There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Theory
Trick
Didn
Compliment
Best
Joke
Everything
Tricks
Think
Findings
Thinking
Finding
Jokes
Huxley
Evolution
Darwin

More quotes by Emo Philips

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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
Emo Philips
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Emo Philips
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
Emo Philips
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
Emo Philips
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
Emo Philips
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
Emo Philips
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
Emo Philips
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
Emo Philips
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Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
Emo Philips
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
Emo Philips
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
Emo Philips
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
Emo Philips
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
Emo Philips
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
Emo Philips
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
Emo Philips
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
Emo Philips