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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
Emo Philips
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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Evolution
Darwin
Theory
Trick
Didn
Compliment
Best
Joke
Everything
Tricks
Think
Findings
Thinking
Finding
Jokes
Huxley
More quotes by Emo Philips
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
Emo Philips
My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
Emo Philips
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
Emo Philips
For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
Emo Philips
I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
Emo Philips
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips
Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Emo Philips
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Emo Philips
Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
Emo Philips
I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
Emo Philips
I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
Emo Philips
A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
Emo Philips
Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
Emo Philips
Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
Emo Philips
I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
Emo Philips